Wednesday, April 23, 2014

You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.

If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”

On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.

The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.

There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?

Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.

This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.

an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)

HOLY FUCK THE TRUTH.

Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.

(via lil-ith)

Printing this out on flyers and dropping it from the sky

(via therapsida)

“So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.”

If someone could scream this from the rooftops for me, I’d be most appreciative.

(via therothwoman)

dichotomized:

In 1967, Kathrine Switzer was the first woman to enter and complete the Boston Marathon as a numbered entry. She registered under the gender-neutral name of “K.V. Switzer”. After realizing that a woman was running, race organizer Jock Semple went after Switzer shouting, “Get the hell out of my race and give me those numbers.” however, Switzer’s boyfriend and other male runners provided a protective shield during the entire Marathon. These photographs taken of the incident made world headlines.

Behold, a man would literally rather chase a woman 26 miles than accept that she is capable of accomplishing things.

dichotomized:

In 1967, Kathrine Switzer was the first woman to enter and complete the Boston Marathon as a numbered entry. She registered under the gender-neutral name of “K.V. Switzer”. After realizing that a woman was running, race organizer Jock Semple went after Switzer shouting, “Get the hell out of my race and give me those numbers.” however, Switzer’s boyfriend and other male runners provided a protective shield during the entire Marathon. These photographs taken of the incident made world headlines.

Behold, a man would literally rather chase a woman 26 miles than accept that she is capable of accomplishing things.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014
  • Friend: So how do you think you've changed since high school?
  • Me: Well I became aware of oppressive power structures and how we are complicit in them and now seek to dismantle them.
  • Friend: ...
  • Me: I also think I got hotter.
Monday, April 21, 2014
If flowers can
teach themselves

how to bloom after
winter passes,
so can you.
Noor ShirazieSpringtime (via unlively)

mediumaevum:

I wanted to share with you our Serbian traditional way of dying Easter eggs - no artificial colors or dyes needed.

Put any leaves you like on the surface of the egg and carefully place them in a stocking. Boil these eggs in water full of onion skins. The result are beautiful, earthly colors and interesting patterns. 

bespectacledbisexual:

i like that we say “oh, man” to express disappointment

because men are disappointing

thehorselifestyle:

lawebloca:

Video

THIS IS THE CUTEST THING OMG

Sunday, April 20, 2014

I almost unfriended someone I used to be good friends with in high school because she wrote a status about pouring out a bottle of wine.
But I didn’t because she posts pictures of her cute dogs.

opalesent:

I want 0 responsibilities and a lot of lingerie

Saturday, April 19, 2014
onisushi:

Bonsai Wisteria

onisushi:

Bonsai Wisteria

Friday, April 18, 2014

Bryan Fuller is fucking dead to me